– tony.espino –

a human. for now.

Testing

TONY ESPINO TESTING V1.1 ORIGINAL DRAFT 5/27/15

INT. CLASSROOM – DAY

BETSY sits at her desk staring blankly at her test. OTTO sits
behind her. MR. COOPER sits at his desk.

BETSY
Brain you need to start working.
What’s your deal?

She taps her head.

BETSY (CONT’D)
Anyone home? I need some answers.

OTTO
Can you be quiet. I’m trying to ace
this exam.

BETSY
And I’m trying to talk to my brain
you big dummy.

OTTO
You can’t even talk to your brain.

BETSY
I’ll talk to my brain if I want to
talk to my brain.

MR. COOPER
Hush humans. Testing in progress.
No mouth moving.

OTTO
Betsy’s trying to talk to her
brain, Mr. Cooper.

MR. COOPER
Betsy, no talking or I’m going to
punch you in the face.

BETSY
What? Why? That seems so violent.

MR. COOPER
I’m just joking. But no talking or
I’ll slit your Achilles tendon when
you step out of bed.

BETSY
What?

MR. COOPER
Jokes. Shhh…

OTTO
Mr. Cooper gonna cut you, Betsy.
Stab stab stab to the back of your
ankle.

BETSY
Shut up, Otto. You’re stupid. I
can’t hear my brain talk.

Betsy looks up and Mr. Cooper has his face up to hers.

MR. COOPER
Whoosh…whoosh…whoosh. That’s
the sound brain waves make crashing
against the shore of your skull.
Did you hear that noise?

BETSY
I don’t think I–

MR. COOPER
Whoosh…whoosh…whoosh.

OTTO
Mr. Cooper’s gonna drown you,
Betsy. Gurgle gurgle gurgle.

MR. COOPER
Think of your consciousness as the
moon having an effect on the waves
in your brain. And it’s high tide,
Betsy. It’s high tide.

OTTO
How does he know you’re on your
period?

BETSY
Piss off, Otto.

MR. COOPER
Time to woman up on this test.
Here’s the answer to number one:
Whoosh…whoosh…whoosh. Write
that down.

BETSY
Write down…your mouth noises?

Mr. Cooper grabs her hand and tries forcing her to write. She
fights back and pulls her hand free.

MR. COOPER
Just do it!

BETSY
Excuse me?!

MR. COOPER
Joking. Come on! I bet Steve Martin
never has to tell anyone he’s just
joking.

BETSY
I’m going to try to finish this
test now.

MR. COOPER
That test is a joke. You don’t have
to take that.

BETSY
You’re saying our final exam is a
joke? I’m pretty sure that this
isn’t a joke.

MR. COOPER
Well…that’s not. I mean that is a
real test. I’m just trying to
loosen up. Got a big stand up gig
at an open mic tonight.

BETSY
Loosen up by threatening to stab
me? You need to stop or I’m going
to report you to the principal.

MR. COOPER
Fine. Comedy is subjective I get
it.

Mr. Cooper returns to his desk.

OTTO
Damn! Mr. Cooper got served by some
girl on her period!

MR. COOPER
Otto, no talking or I’m going to
punch you in the face.

BLACKOUT.

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This entry was posted on July 18, 2015 by in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , .

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