– tony.espino –

a human. for now.

Mailman

TONY ESPINO MAILMAN V1.1 ORIGINAL DRAFT 6/24/15

I/E. BETSY’S HOUSE – DAY

A MAILMAN rings BETSY’S doorbell and she opens the door.

BETSY
Hey, Mr. Postman. What did you
bring me today?

MAILMAN
(singing the blues)
There is no mail today. So I’m just
delivering you the blues.

BETSY
And who’s paying for the shipping?

MAILMAN
(singing)
Oh, I don’t really know.

BETSY
Then I say return to sender. I
don’t want no blues around here.

MAILMAN
(singing)
I beg to differ. Oh yes you do.

BETSY
No I don’t.

MAILMAN
(singing)
Yes you do.

BETSY
No really I don’t.

MAILMAN
(singing)
Oh trust me yes you do.

The Mailman pushes Betsy aside and walks in her house.

MAILMAN (CONT’D)
(singing)
Let me right on in your house.

BETSY
I didn’t invite you in.

MAILMAN
(singing)
The blues don’t need an invitation,
baby.

BETSY
I got no reason for the blues.

MAILMAN
(singing)
I ran over your dog in the
driveway. Oh yes you do.

BETSY
Oh no! Not Sparky!

MAILMAN
(singing)
Oh baby, Sparky’s dead.

BETSY
Where is he?

MAILMAN
(singing)
He’s under my tires and his bones
are smashed.

BETSY
Why would you run my dog over?!

MAILMAN
(singing)
I’m a terrible driver, honey.

BETSY
You’re a terrible mailman, but I’m
glad you’re here because now I have
the blues.

MAILMAN
(singing)
I’m saving your life with these
moaning blues.

BETSY
These tears won’t stop rolling down
my cheek because…because–

MAILMAN
(singing)
Because I done ran over your cute
little dog.

BETSY
My cute little dog.

MAILMAN
(singing)
Your dead little dog.

BETSY
(singing)
My dead little dog.

MAILMAN
(singing)
Oh baby, Sparky’s dead.

BETSY (CONT’D)
(singing)
Oh baby, Sparky’s dead.

MAILMAN
(singing)
Oh yes he is. Come on now. Doesn’t
that feel good?

BETSY
It sure does. Thanks, Mr. Postman.
You really cheered up my day.

MAILMAN
No problem. Hey do you have time
for one more?

BETSY
Sure. I’m in the mood for the blues
now.

MAILMAN
Great.
(singing)
I ran over a child in your driveway
today.

BETSY
Frankie!

BLACKOUT.

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This entry was posted on July 23, 2015 by in comedy, funny, humor, sketches, writers, writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , .

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