a human. for now.
TONY ESPINO IMMORTALITY V1.1 ORIGINAL DRAFT 6/30/15
INT. ALIEN RESEARCH LAB – DAY
ELROY is looking through a stack of BETSY’S papers with a
look of confusion.
What is all this scribble?
That scribble is a language I
developed to communicate with the
Like Pig Latin?
Like Alien Latin.
You never told me you found aliens.
That’s because I’m keeping them for
I want to have alien friends.
I don’t think so. It’s my
immortality project. I need to live
on forever in the minds and
memories of other people. But when
mankind is gone, then so am I. So
my solution was to reach beyond
I had no idea you were so
ambitious. You don’t even do the
dishes at home.
Bonding with these aliens will
ensure that my memory lives on for
all eternity in the event of human
That sounds badass.
So can I just talk to them for a
little bit. I want to be all
Highlander and shit like you.
Fine. But just to warn you it takes
awhile for them to warm up to us.
Tell them I drew an alien with
twelve dicks once.
Why? I’m not going to tell them
Just do it. I bet they like it.
Betsy scribbles something on paper and shoves it in a tube.
Takes a minute. It’s gotta go to
That’s just a tube that goes to
Yup. Built it myself. Oh! Here we
are. A reply.
Betsy grabs a paper from the tube.
What did they say?
They sent back laughter. It took me
six months to get back laughter!
I told you! Do I know aliens or
Here’s another one.
She grabs another paper from the tube.
They say you’re the first person to
speak to their soul. And that they
want to form their own language
with you. They say they never want
to hear from me again.
I’m sure it’s nothing personal.
It’s just that I’m really advanced
in the way that I portray aliens in
That’s literally bullshit.
Get this scribble out of here.
Elroy tosses the stack of papers out of his way.
My Alien Latin!
Don’t be so bummed, Betsy. Go get
some new alien friends.
He starts drawing on papers and shoving them into the tube.
That was my life’s work.
Do you think they know what a
gravity bong is?
It’s probably an anti-gravity bong.
Elroy grabs a paper from the tube.
These guys are awesome! They just
reshaped their planet to look like
me but with twelve dicks.
My phone’s ringing. It’s on silent.
That’s why you don’t hear anything.
Betsy picks up her phone.
Wow. That’s amazing.
Hangs up phone.
That was the top scientist in the
world calling from his bathroom. He
just discovered a new planet that’s
shaped…like a human with twelve