a human. for now.
Oh the horror, the madness on that operating table as I looked down on my patient while I received the most intense wedgie imaginable. Who was this person with their guts hanging out and mocking me while my underwear stretched beyond its recommended length? Leave me alone with your blood and gore I can not be bothered with such tomfoolery at moments like this. How dare you plop yourself onto my operating table and throw your insides all over the place. I was in a moment of complete being with the pain of my Hanes, and you took it upon yourself to pull me out of that. Have you no respect at all, you monster? You mustn’t. What were you raised in a barn? A barn where people yank out their entrails and taunt you with them.
I’ve never seen such a pathetic excuse for a life until you took dying to the next level.
And to do it on my operating table while the elastic band on my underwear is wrapped around my head couldn’t be any more disrespectful. I don’t know what those long parts hanging out of you that were all tangled up were, but I threw them in the trash. They smelled awful. I dumped some potpourri inside you because I’m not an asshole. Here’s to a speedy recover you pale, soulless, scumbag.